Mutual Submission

Submit to my husband, are you nuts? This sentiment is typical in our modern day society as it mocks submission. If you google the word submission on the Internet, there are some pretty graphic and taboo images to negatively impact your impression of what it means to submit. Yet, as hard as it is to submit to our husbands, we must. The Bible is very clear on this: just read Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Peter 3:1-6, and Proverbs 31:10-31.

Am I showing signs of weakness when I submit? No Ma’am.

Where do I fit in the modern day era as a military wife of faith? God loves you and encourages you to love your spouse. By submitting to one another, we enhance the life of our spouse – and ultimately our own.

When the head of the household returns home from a long deployment, it’s tricky to submit. Both of you have had life experiences that foster growth apart. When you reunite and realize that submission is not mutual, it challenges the marriage. (It’s also tricky to submit when the head of household displays poor leadership and/or sexual immorality as in Ephesians 5:3….in this case, I advise you to seek out guidance immediately).

For example, he just returned from a year long deployment in a combat zone and realizes you overspent in the babysitter area of your budget, money that you don’t have. Either he accepts this decision because of good communication between you both, or he argues, thus rejecting your decision at that time, not having much empathy and not working out a solution to the problem.

To submit means respect and how you love your spouse; your communication is paramount to your successful relationship. You are enhancing your spouse’s life. You are providing the enrichment necessary to ward off Satan’s desire to destroy the reflection of God that is in us.

To not submit means you and your spouse not only lack good communication but do not love one another as Christ loves you. When we don’t submit to one another, we ultimately are not showing our reverence for Christ. Instead, Satan is at work destroying marriage by influencing you and/or your spouse.

Mutual submission is the only workable path to marriage, and love provides the true motive for submission. My husband and I love each other very much and married when we were in our early 30s. When we married, he commented that my strong personality is one reason why he chose me to be his bride because he knew it would help us get through these deployments and times of separation. He has a strong personality trait, and when it comes to being head of household, he has displayed some good choices and some not-so-good choices. We are challenged in the mutual submission department because of issues that have surfaced after one particular deployment. I am reminded of 1 Peter 3:1 and how I am to submit to my husband. It’s so hard because I have always been taught that I can do anything. I used to be independent. I made my own money. I made my own decisions. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I functioned without him especially during these deployments. Why must I submit? Why can’t he submit? (He’s probably thinking the same thing…Why won’t she submit? Why do I have to submit to her?) This is a challenge for us wives of faith.

Mutual submission allows us to get closer to Christ because marriage belongs to God and to the church. When we practice mutual submission, we get closer to the One who loves us best. God has a plan for you, your husband and your marriage. The church is the body of God and epitomizes your desire for a successful marriage. If you are not in a good church home, I strongly encourage you to seek out a church. Marriages are under attack daily, and just because your husband is home from the battlefield does not mean that you can let your guard down. Submitting to one another out of love is the best way to combat these potential wounds. Praying together and/or for one another is a powerful weapon. In Acts 18:24-26, we learn of a couple who functioned as a team and welcomed a learned man into their home to learn more. The military is aware of challenges that marriages weather through these storms of deployments and offers marriage retreats that are chaplain-led. For example, one mentioned at our unit was www.strongbonds.org. If you and your spouse can attend such a retreat, it will be a blessing you and your marriage (plus your children will benefit from you both strengthening your marriage). Whatever the case may be, it is important to seek the best for your spouse, love him and submit so that you may get closer to the One who loves you best.

To talk more about this topic, I recommend it, especially with your local Wives of Faith chapter, the new community message board or just post a comment below. It is this support, encouragement and connection that will enable us military spouses to see God’s will when it comes to submission and our marriages.

Wives of Faith for copy of this article published

Unguarded Strength is Double Weakness

This article was published on Wives of Faith web page. 

Our local connoisseur of fabulous cheap finds, Mary Hance (also known as Ms. Cheap to all you Tennessean readers) has published a book, Love For a Lifetime: Daily Wisdom and Wit for a Happy Marriage. One of her reader favorites is how to start your marriage: After you say I Do, you move 2,000 miles away from your family and start your life together. That way you don’t have the excuse to run from your marriage when life comes at you. Both of you learn quick and early on to depend on one another, and that is the best way to start your marriage. This is a befitting description for us military wives who dive into marriage in a similar fashion. Call it “love makes you blind,” but I like to think of it as the lifelong adventure I was born to experience.

We military wives say I Do in many ways either on a whim in the county courthouse, in a local church, on the beach, or even over the Internet (yes, there was a military wedding where he was in a combat zone and she was in her hometown). Each marriage is unique as it starts off. My husband and I wanted the church and reception type of I Do so that it included our family and friends. Recently, upon watching our wedding video with our children, my husband and I reminisced about the early days of our marriage, and how eight years later, our marriage has flourished, has endured the seven year itch and has been tested with deployments, children and other matters that you least expect when you say I Do.

The tests of marriage will always occur. It’s true that you cannot run home to your parent’s house or a friend’s house to seek support especially living 2,000 miles away from your hometown. God can only provide the strength you seek in these moments of weakness. Philippians 4:13 says it best with “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Unfortunately, some tests of our marriage come in hurtful ways and at our weakest moments.

• Mismanagement of your finances has placed undue pressure on your marriage.
• Someone else got the promotion your husband hoped to get, and as a result, he turned to alcohol.
• A female officer falsely accuses your spouse of sexual assault, and he loses rank.
• Your husband is on deployment when miscarriage occurs.
• Online pornography intrigues your husband.
• Going out to local bars seems like innocent fun until the next morning.
• Your next PCS move is unexpected and separates you both for a year.
• Your anger and frustration mount as you maintain the home front, and when home, he does little to no household chores.

There are many other ways that the enemy attacks your marriage besides these bulleted points, but our weakest moments can be the turning point needed to build character the way God intended in our marriages.

Ephesians 6: 10-18 encourages us to protect ourselves against spiritual attack. When it comes to our marriage, the oneness is challenged by the long distance separation of deployments, the pressures of parenting, the care for aging parents, a demanding job, and/or the mismanagement of time invested in your marriage. No wonder military marriages are challenged. When we are our weakest is exactly when we must summon our strength, yet when we let our guard down is when the enemy makes the most of this opportunity. Unguarded strength is a double weakness.

How do you combat these spiritual attacks?

1. Prayer is a powerful weapon.
2. Attending a Wives of Faith group meeting is another wonderful way to support, encourage and reach out to one another.
3. Should you need to talk on a personal level, it is important to discern and find a Christian advocate to help you see God in the picture.
4. Believe that this character building time will produce amazing fruit of the spirit in you and your marriage.
5. Have faith.

The enemy works through people and things and presents timewasters to distract us. Often, the enemy starts with our minds, and a low self-esteem is indicative of poor time management (especially true if you are seeking a job/calling as referenced in Dan Miller’s 48 Days to the Work You Love). We spend a lot of time thinking and trying to change our spouse when we should change ourselves first. We forget about our role as wife, and we find frustration in our husbands who lack initiative in stepping up to their role as head of household. In Ephesians 5: 15-16, we are warned to live purposely.

Are you making the most of your time?

Where you invest your time is telling of your priorities in life. It’s comforting to know that you do have a plan. Marriage is a lifelong plan of commitment to this one special person God sent into your life. Over Valentine’s Day weekend in our Sunday School class, we went around the room and told the story of how we met. Granted, it was a good load of laughs, and you could see each couple’s spark about how they met either while in school, through mutual friends, at a social event or even online (rare but becoming more common with military marriages). One grandmother even played matchmaker to one couple who now have five children. The marriages ranged from 1 year to 16 years. Each marriage started off the same way – saying I Do.

While I Do represents the beginning, the journey has a telling story depending on your daily decisions, purposeful living and management of self. If you make the most of opportunities through wise time management and the sword of the Spirit, there won’t be double weakness but an amazingly unbreakable bond of strength that will enhance your marriage until death do you part.

Happy Valentine's Day

February 14th brings so many things into our life.  It is a reminder of love and the power of love in your life.  Love comes in many forms, and it is an intangible that makes life what it is.  Love comes from parents to a child/ren.  Love between a man and a woman is an unbreakable bond especially when united as one in marriage.  Love for a family relative is insurmountable.  Love for a dear friend is a cherished treasure.  Love for a pet can be a strong emotion for many.  Interestingly, there is a love for things that can lead to a negative influence in one's life.  Afterall, things do not love back yet people and/or living things can!

Perhaps the history behind Valentine's Day is a good reminder during these cold, winter times when you are cooped up inside and the confines can wear on everyone's nerves is that you love and appreciate those in your life today. 

Money can buy flowers, chocolate, fancy cards, fine dining, jewelry and anything else that expresses our love.  Of course, it is wise to remain in your budget and enjoy the gift (albeit given or received).  ProFlowers offers 25% off on FTD flowers for USAA members.  You can log on to www.usaa.com/flowers or call USAA 800-769-7673 with your member number handy so that you can get the offer code.  It's about $37-$50 minimum for this option.  If you go to AAFES, there are some nice Valentine's Day discounted items.  Many retailers are offering sales prior to February 14th so it's a good time to take advantage of those deals.

For the woman, it is wise to do something romantic on Valentine's Day.  When in doubt about a purchase or what to do, it is prudent to spend the extra dimes and nickels because you just never know what a difference that will make in your best friend's life.

For the man, it is wise to do some form of recognition on Valentine's Day.  Ladies, do dress up, put on makeup, do your hair and nails and have something special planned for you and your man.  It doesn't have to be big but do it with a big heart.  After all these military men give a lot for their country.

Survivor Spouse

This article was posted on Wives of Faith web page.

United Warrior Survivor Foundation (UWSF) Provides
Surviving Spouses With Support & More

By Stephanie Arredondo, Board Treasurer

As we as a nation celebrate Memorial Day weekend, I am reminded of those silently celebrating our heroes. There are our fellow sisters in Christ whose best friend has made the ultimate sacrifice. We Wives of Faith know that this is part of the deal when our husbands committed to the military. It is our duty to stand by his side and to love, support and encourage him as he does his job.

Yet who is there when he comes home the way we least expect? United Warrior Survivor Foundation (UWSF) is the only non-profit organization dedicated to serving the needs of surviving spouses of Navy, Army, Air Force and Marine Corps Special Operations killed in the line of duty since September 11, 2001. What makes this group unique is that they invite surviving spouses and their children to their 4-day conferences and pay for all the expenses. The goal is to provide peer to peer mentorship, survivor transition assistance and bereavement counseling. USWF always includes surviving families in daily prayer. It is a wonderful opportunity for surviving spouses and their families to adjust to a new chapter in their lives and get the support that they need.
If your spouse was not in Special Operations yet you are a surviving spouse, then there are other means of support through Military. Com, chaplains and others.

While I cannot imagine this new chapter in your life, I do know that God will give you the strength that you need. If you think “Oh You Don’t Know What I Go Through,” I do. Back in college, my college sweetheart was in a boating accident and did not make it. Granted, we were not married, but it was in the works. Losing him changed my whole world. I grieved and cried. I got angry because life did not seem fair. I could not believe that God could let this happen, and I was mad at God for a long time. Psalm 23 helped me some, but it was reading Acts 2:25-28, Romans 5:3-5, I Corinthians 13 , and Colossians 3:8-11 that time allowed me to heal. Prayer allowed me to seek God, forgive Him and renew a relationship with Him. Journaling eased my pain of anger and depression, and I always had to write it in a letter style of Dear God, Today… and sign it Love, Me. It took a long time for the pain to subside. Time has a way of healing. I eventually got back into life. Some things worked out. Some things did not and that pain was tough at first. Then, I dated and met my best friend for life, my current husband. I never dreamed that I could find love again. I had to let go in order to be whole and move on with my life as new chapters emerged whether I wanted to or not. God was there the whole way. If I went down a road that was not good, God was there to guide me.

Today is a new day, and I am grateful for the Present. God gives you strength in ways you least expect if only you will seek Him. If you seek prayer, support or encouragement for this dark period in your life, please contact me or other military spouses so that we may pray for you and your family as you walk this new chapter in your life. I pray that you will seek the support of your military chaplain and others. You are not alone. While we never want to see a military spouse welcome her husband home this way, we are bonded in a way that few understand.

Stephanie Arredondo is Board Treasurer for Wives of Faith and writes a blog – Alfa Sugar – that lends financial perspective in modern America from one military spouse.

Fraud Alert called PHISHING

Article below  published on Wives of Faith web site page

The latest phishing e-mails are coming from Anderson at almedicgroup.com.  Please see interesting link regarding a false Amazon.com claim. 

Phishing occurs – so how do we deal with it?

By Stephanie Arredondo, Board Treasurer

Imagine an insurance agent’s phone call to you pertaining to an online insurance inquiry that you nor your spouse never made. It’s happening more and more with the ease of access to basic information. This is the beginning stage of identity theft and is called phishing.

If you read in Ephesians 6:10-18 about The Armor of God, it’s impossible to not realize the spiritual warfare we endure when it comes to marriage and money.

The enemy loves to work through things and people. In our modern era of being a military wife, we deal with handling the household finances especially when our spouse deploys. We work on budgets. We shop for groceries and clothes. We save for our retirement. We aspire to send our children to college. We pay for our basic needs all while our husband is serving our country. Then, a phone call changes your world with the realization that your identity or your spouse’s identity has been stolen. You are lost about what to do. In the mail is a past due notice bill for an account that you and your spouse never opened. This can open up a whole new experience for the service member.
Identity theft is much more prevalent than in years past. Phishing is easily done with minimal information.

For military members, the Federal Trade Commission has dedicated a section of its web site page to protect active duty service members, their spouses and family: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/idtheft/idt02.shtm
Military One Source offers extensive financial material online, but it is best to call them for an appointment with a financial counselor at 1-800-342-9647. http://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/MilitaryOneSourceFinancialServices.aspx
Here you will find valuable information about how to proceed.


Below are some pointers for military marriages to consider when it comes to your and your spouse’s finances.

• Do check both of your credit reports. This is easily done through the three credit reporting agencies (and yes, I would check all three as it is free). If there are any false statements on your report, you and/or your spouse must address these immediately by submitting it in writing and sending it certified/return receipt. File an identity theft report with the Federal Trade Commission as well as with other relevant authorities.
• Pray about this situation so that you and your spouse may overcome its trials. For some, identity theft can hinder your future financial plans in ways you never anticipated. For some whose stolen identity is so severe, it’s taken five years, $15,000+ in legal fees and no resolution to this warfare. It is during this financial time of hardship that the power of prayer is one of the last weapons of armor that can aid you both in your resolution of this situation.
• To protect your spouse and yourself, it is wise to not disclose anyone’s social security card, military id, nor any financial accounts or credit card information unless it is to a known and reputable source.
• All passwords and personal information should be protected.
• Do not answer any online solicitations via e-mail nor provide personal information to these pop-up ads.
• All mail should be collected the day it is delivered or have your mail stopped by filling out a yellow form at the US Postal service.
• There is a way to post an active duty alert on your spouse’s credit report, and it is good for up to one year. This is important to do when your spouse is on deployment. The credit card companies like USAA do monitor unusual activity for your credit card, so if you travel to another part of the country or internationally, it is important to check with them about your foreseen financial spending with that credit card.
• Shred all unwanted credit card solicitations or anything with your names so that this will prevent dumpster diving.
• Finally, when you are out in public, please watch your wallet, passport, and other identification so that it is not stolen the old-fashioned way.

As in Proverbs 31:27, “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” gives us a call to take up our armor and allow God to flow through us so that we may defend ourselves from financial challenges such as phishing that all marriages want to avoid.

Organizing for Tax Season

Tax season is upon us, and for those of us in the financial field, it's a busy time of gathering paperwork, finalizing some numbers and awaiting the distribution of certain forms necessary to complete certain returns. 

There is no easy way to complete the workload so below are a few pointers to help the average individual to complete their taxes.  For military personnel, it is wise to complete your tax return earlier than April 15th just because of international mail.  Filing your return online is becoming the recommended way to expedite your tax return being processed.

• Gather all financial statements for tax year 2011 including bank statements, brokerage statements, 401k, IRA, Mortgage, business expenses & receipts, and all other relevant financial data. 
• J.K. Lasser's How to Prepare Your Tax Return is a great reference source if you plan to DO IT YOURSELF.  Tax laws change, and what was true one year changes the next.  Having this wonderful resource is a wise investment.  Also, it is wise to invest time into reading it (as much as folks dislike reading up on the topic) because you may determine a claim on your taxes that you had not learned about previously.
• HRBlock offers tax classes and some are free or at a reduced rate for military and their spouses.  If you would rather get more comfortable in a group or class setting, this may be a great option.
• Tools for tax preparation include a table, chair, lamp, calculator, pencil with an eraser, your files (preferably in a accordian or box or whatever filing system you utilize), your computer, a drink of water and a clock.  It is wise to setup a card table or a room solely dedicated to tax preparation work....that way if life happens and you have to walk away, you can return and start right back up with work rather than waste time setting it all back up again.   (I don't think that people realize what timewasters they allow in their life so I will comment on this next).
• TIMEWASTERS - yes, folks are all guilty of wasting their time especially when it comes to tax preparation work.  The phone rang.  The children needed me.  The dog had to be walked.  I have to be at church 3 to 7 hours a week.  The weather impacted me.  I was tired.  I don't want to do this.  No wonder no one likes to do this job because they allow everything else to get in the way of the priority.  Focus on achieving this goal and a sense of relief will fulfill you more so.....if it's any consoldation, being a good steward of your finances and home life is an investment of time that I am quite certain any true Christian church will appreciate and reinterate.
• Step one is gathering all paperwork and sorting it all.
• Step two is sorting the financial information into the various categories.
• Step three is completing the application...this can be done online and saved.
• Step four is to review and double-check your calculations as well as your 2011 tax year information.
• Step five is to send it certified mail to the IRS and/or e-file it making double sure that you get a printed confirmation.
• For those who must use an accountant or CPA, it is recommended that you copy certain documents that you must retain for your records.  Some CPAs lose material and you will not get it back.
• Even if you have a CPA complete your tax return, you must review it, sign it and deal with it. 
• Paying the CPA their fee is a wise investment so a timely payment is recommended.
• When corresponding with a CPA, it is wise to be ready with your questions, do not take up much of their time and realize that they are pulling LONG hours up until April 15th.  Emailing is easier on everyone, and you may get a reply back at 4 a.m.
• Once your return is completed and sent, it is wise to file the returns in a fire-proof filing cabinet as well as retain an electronic copy. 
• Keeping your documents for up to seven years is recommended.  I know of some folks who keep their returns longer than that and some who don't.  Again, it depends upon your gameplan and business as to what you need to keep.
• When talking with people at the IRS, it is wise to listen and listen carefully.  I have talked with disgruntled, powerplaying people who will not talk or reason with you.  I have talked with very kind people who are willing to be of help.  It's wise to keep calling back and reach one of the nice ones and discard the bad ones.  Always be kind and courteous on the phone as this is a professional setting.  The government red tape is present and it is overwhelming to many so it is best to be ready with your form question (and yes, they are that precise).
• Keep in mind that all US citizens with earned income must file a tax return. 
• Due diligence is key to getting it all done.

  While many dislike doing the work, it is good character building.  Organizing for tax preparation is not easy especially for those businesspeople who have a lot of paperwork to review.  If anything, it is a great time to review what went right and what went wrong in your financial life.  It is an opportunity to revise your financial plan so that next year's tax season you can see what improvements or setback you've made. 

Tune Out Financial Stress and Tune into God

This article is available on Wives of Faith web site page.

Psalm 50:15 “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

Given the recent hype in the news about a government shutdown, it’s lending to financial stress upon military families, especially for those with deployed loved ones. Politicians are making news with their ideas and comments. The Department of Defense is cautious. Critics of the federal government and the military are surfacing with more harsh words. Cutbacks in the military could occur at a time that the U.S. economy is in the early stage of a recovery. Consumer sentiment is cautious as oil and food prices rise based on inflationary influences. Perhaps the home situation is challenged with loved ones searching for employment. Stress is high for many these days, and yet is it a reminder to tune out this static and tune in to the One who delivers us without fail?

God has a unique way of capturing our attention. While the politicians and others determine what’s to occur with government issues that are beyond our control, it is important for military families, especially military wives, to pray and focus on what God needs us to focus on.

Mahlon Hetrick of Christian Financial Counseling wrote the book, Family Money Management God’s Way, and he addresses how most people do not know how to find abundance in their budgets and are not listening to what God has to say. (Hetrick, 19) Perhaps the politicians would benefit from this wisdom as well, but the fact remains that if you are not tuning in to God, then you are neglecting an opportunity to honor Him.

For short term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

1. Pray and pray incessantly for our country and its financial challenge (Our National Debt isn’t sustainable, and we need for all to address it and address it soon.) Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Review your finances for the next month and develop a new spending plan (If this is a challenge or you need more advice, please see article.) I Corinthians 14:40
3. Cut unnecessary costs such as having your nails done, eating out, going to the movies, going to Starbucks, buying that pair of shoes, etc.. and get creative with certain cost-cutting measures Proverbs 16:3
4. If in debt and if you are making monthly payments that you believe you cannot make, it is wise to contact the business now, state your situation and ask if there’s another payment option. Many will cooperate if you initiate the phone call. For example, my husband and I worked out a payment plan for a medical bill from our son’s surgery (and no added interest expense). Psalm 1:1
5. For those whose financial situation is overwhelming and especially if you have a deployed military member, it is wise to seek your church home, pastor or military chaplain. By discussing your situation, certain churches will determine ways to provide love and support so as to ease the financial strain. Proverbs 15:22

For long term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

1. Develop a game plan for the future because even if the government shutdown occurred, you have a personal financial management issue that you need to address. Matthew 25:14-30
2. Save up an emergency fund of at least three months of living expenses

Psalm 50:15

1. Pay down debt and remain debt-free. One good way to address this is to list all of your debts (small and large) and determine a game plan to pay them off. Romans 13:8
2. Review your current career and determine a five year plan. Do you need to add in more income? Do you need to cut back on certain costs? Can you do without it? These are the tough questions, and I will be the first to admit that my husband and I struggle with the wants and needs….it’s good character-building for your marriage. Proverbs 21:20
3. Keep God in the picture and pray with your spouse about how you can honor Him. I Corinthians 4:2

If you and your husband need a moral boost, it is wise to post Bible quotes or slogans to help you during this financially stressful era in our country’s history. Just Do It! Adjust your attitude from Can’t live without it to I can get along without it!

While there is no easy solution today, there is the One who without fail will be there and will provide the calm. He will deliver us from this financial challenge. He wants us to be blessed if only we will seek Him, live within our means and adjust our attitude through our finances. We must honor Him to all Glory and Honor, Amen!

Stephanie Arredondo is Board Treasurer for Wives of Faith, has years of experience and knowledge in the industry and writes a blog - Alfa Sugar – that lends financial perspective in modern America from one military spouse.

Disclaimer: This article is the opinion of the person writing it, and any financial decision made as a result does not make the writer or Wives of Faith liable for any action taken. Please consult your personal financial advisor for more information.

Nashville Group of Wives of Faith

Nashville

For those military wives seeking a local group, this is a great opportunity to meet the new chapter leader and get linked in with other women.  Wives of Faith groups are evolving but this one is rich with history and perseverance in the Nashville TN area.  Open to all military spouses either active duty, Guard, Reserve or even retired.