Mutual Submission

Submit to my husband, are you nuts? This sentiment is typical in our modern day society as it mocks submission. If you google the word submission on the Internet, there are some pretty graphic and taboo images to negatively impact your impression of what it means to submit. Yet, as hard as it is to submit to our husbands, we must. The Bible is very clear on this: just read Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Peter 3:1-6, and Proverbs 31:10-31.

Am I showing signs of weakness when I submit? No Ma’am.

Where do I fit in the modern day era as a military wife of faith? God loves you and encourages you to love your spouse. By submitting to one another, we enhance the life of our spouse – and ultimately our own.

When the head of the household returns home from a long deployment, it’s tricky to submit. Both of you have had life experiences that foster growth apart. When you reunite and realize that submission is not mutual, it challenges the marriage. (It’s also tricky to submit when the head of household displays poor leadership and/or sexual immorality as in Ephesians 5:3….in this case, I advise you to seek out guidance immediately).

For example, he just returned from a year long deployment in a combat zone and realizes you overspent in the babysitter area of your budget, money that you don’t have. Either he accepts this decision because of good communication between you both, or he argues, thus rejecting your decision at that time, not having much empathy and not working out a solution to the problem.

To submit means respect and how you love your spouse; your communication is paramount to your successful relationship. You are enhancing your spouse’s life. You are providing the enrichment necessary to ward off Satan’s desire to destroy the reflection of God that is in us.

To not submit means you and your spouse not only lack good communication but do not love one another as Christ loves you. When we don’t submit to one another, we ultimately are not showing our reverence for Christ. Instead, Satan is at work destroying marriage by influencing you and/or your spouse.

Mutual submission is the only workable path to marriage, and love provides the true motive for submission. My husband and I love each other very much and married when we were in our early 30s. When we married, he commented that my strong personality is one reason why he chose me to be his bride because he knew it would help us get through these deployments and times of separation. He has a strong personality trait, and when it comes to being head of household, he has displayed some good choices and some not-so-good choices. We are challenged in the mutual submission department because of issues that have surfaced after one particular deployment. I am reminded of 1 Peter 3:1 and how I am to submit to my husband. It’s so hard because I have always been taught that I can do anything. I used to be independent. I made my own money. I made my own decisions. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I functioned without him especially during these deployments. Why must I submit? Why can’t he submit? (He’s probably thinking the same thing…Why won’t she submit? Why do I have to submit to her?) This is a challenge for us wives of faith.

Mutual submission allows us to get closer to Christ because marriage belongs to God and to the church. When we practice mutual submission, we get closer to the One who loves us best. God has a plan for you, your husband and your marriage. The church is the body of God and epitomizes your desire for a successful marriage. If you are not in a good church home, I strongly encourage you to seek out a church. Marriages are under attack daily, and just because your husband is home from the battlefield does not mean that you can let your guard down. Submitting to one another out of love is the best way to combat these potential wounds. Praying together and/or for one another is a powerful weapon. In Acts 18:24-26, we learn of a couple who functioned as a team and welcomed a learned man into their home to learn more. The military is aware of challenges that marriages weather through these storms of deployments and offers marriage retreats that are chaplain-led. For example, one mentioned at our unit was www.strongbonds.org. If you and your spouse can attend such a retreat, it will be a blessing you and your marriage (plus your children will benefit from you both strengthening your marriage). Whatever the case may be, it is important to seek the best for your spouse, love him and submit so that you may get closer to the One who loves you best.

To talk more about this topic, I recommend it, especially with your local Wives of Faith chapter, the new community message board or just post a comment below. It is this support, encouragement and connection that will enable us military spouses to see God’s will when it comes to submission and our marriages.

Wives of Faith for copy of this article published

Unguarded Strength is Double Weakness

This article was published on Wives of Faith web page. 

Our local connoisseur of fabulous cheap finds, Mary Hance (also known as Ms. Cheap to all you Tennessean readers) has published a book, Love For a Lifetime: Daily Wisdom and Wit for a Happy Marriage. One of her reader favorites is how to start your marriage: After you say I Do, you move 2,000 miles away from your family and start your life together. That way you don’t have the excuse to run from your marriage when life comes at you. Both of you learn quick and early on to depend on one another, and that is the best way to start your marriage. This is a befitting description for us military wives who dive into marriage in a similar fashion. Call it “love makes you blind,” but I like to think of it as the lifelong adventure I was born to experience.

We military wives say I Do in many ways either on a whim in the county courthouse, in a local church, on the beach, or even over the Internet (yes, there was a military wedding where he was in a combat zone and she was in her hometown). Each marriage is unique as it starts off. My husband and I wanted the church and reception type of I Do so that it included our family and friends. Recently, upon watching our wedding video with our children, my husband and I reminisced about the early days of our marriage, and how eight years later, our marriage has flourished, has endured the seven year itch and has been tested with deployments, children and other matters that you least expect when you say I Do.

The tests of marriage will always occur. It’s true that you cannot run home to your parent’s house or a friend’s house to seek support especially living 2,000 miles away from your hometown. God can only provide the strength you seek in these moments of weakness. Philippians 4:13 says it best with “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Unfortunately, some tests of our marriage come in hurtful ways and at our weakest moments.

• Mismanagement of your finances has placed undue pressure on your marriage.
• Someone else got the promotion your husband hoped to get, and as a result, he turned to alcohol.
• A female officer falsely accuses your spouse of sexual assault, and he loses rank.
• Your husband is on deployment when miscarriage occurs.
• Online pornography intrigues your husband.
• Going out to local bars seems like innocent fun until the next morning.
• Your next PCS move is unexpected and separates you both for a year.
• Your anger and frustration mount as you maintain the home front, and when home, he does little to no household chores.

There are many other ways that the enemy attacks your marriage besides these bulleted points, but our weakest moments can be the turning point needed to build character the way God intended in our marriages.

Ephesians 6: 10-18 encourages us to protect ourselves against spiritual attack. When it comes to our marriage, the oneness is challenged by the long distance separation of deployments, the pressures of parenting, the care for aging parents, a demanding job, and/or the mismanagement of time invested in your marriage. No wonder military marriages are challenged. When we are our weakest is exactly when we must summon our strength, yet when we let our guard down is when the enemy makes the most of this opportunity. Unguarded strength is a double weakness.

How do you combat these spiritual attacks?

1. Prayer is a powerful weapon.
2. Attending a Wives of Faith group meeting is another wonderful way to support, encourage and reach out to one another.
3. Should you need to talk on a personal level, it is important to discern and find a Christian advocate to help you see God in the picture.
4. Believe that this character building time will produce amazing fruit of the spirit in you and your marriage.
5. Have faith.

The enemy works through people and things and presents timewasters to distract us. Often, the enemy starts with our minds, and a low self-esteem is indicative of poor time management (especially true if you are seeking a job/calling as referenced in Dan Miller’s 48 Days to the Work You Love). We spend a lot of time thinking and trying to change our spouse when we should change ourselves first. We forget about our role as wife, and we find frustration in our husbands who lack initiative in stepping up to their role as head of household. In Ephesians 5: 15-16, we are warned to live purposely.

Are you making the most of your time?

Where you invest your time is telling of your priorities in life. It’s comforting to know that you do have a plan. Marriage is a lifelong plan of commitment to this one special person God sent into your life. Over Valentine’s Day weekend in our Sunday School class, we went around the room and told the story of how we met. Granted, it was a good load of laughs, and you could see each couple’s spark about how they met either while in school, through mutual friends, at a social event or even online (rare but becoming more common with military marriages). One grandmother even played matchmaker to one couple who now have five children. The marriages ranged from 1 year to 16 years. Each marriage started off the same way – saying I Do.

While I Do represents the beginning, the journey has a telling story depending on your daily decisions, purposeful living and management of self. If you make the most of opportunities through wise time management and the sword of the Spirit, there won’t be double weakness but an amazingly unbreakable bond of strength that will enhance your marriage until death do you part.

Survivor Spouse

This article was posted on Wives of Faith web page.

United Warrior Survivor Foundation (UWSF) Provides
Surviving Spouses With Support & More

By Stephanie Arredondo, Board Treasurer

As we as a nation celebrate Memorial Day weekend, I am reminded of those silently celebrating our heroes. There are our fellow sisters in Christ whose best friend has made the ultimate sacrifice. We Wives of Faith know that this is part of the deal when our husbands committed to the military. It is our duty to stand by his side and to love, support and encourage him as he does his job.

Yet who is there when he comes home the way we least expect? United Warrior Survivor Foundation (UWSF) is the only non-profit organization dedicated to serving the needs of surviving spouses of Navy, Army, Air Force and Marine Corps Special Operations killed in the line of duty since September 11, 2001. What makes this group unique is that they invite surviving spouses and their children to their 4-day conferences and pay for all the expenses. The goal is to provide peer to peer mentorship, survivor transition assistance and bereavement counseling. USWF always includes surviving families in daily prayer. It is a wonderful opportunity for surviving spouses and their families to adjust to a new chapter in their lives and get the support that they need.
If your spouse was not in Special Operations yet you are a surviving spouse, then there are other means of support through Military. Com, chaplains and others.

While I cannot imagine this new chapter in your life, I do know that God will give you the strength that you need. If you think “Oh You Don’t Know What I Go Through,” I do. Back in college, my college sweetheart was in a boating accident and did not make it. Granted, we were not married, but it was in the works. Losing him changed my whole world. I grieved and cried. I got angry because life did not seem fair. I could not believe that God could let this happen, and I was mad at God for a long time. Psalm 23 helped me some, but it was reading Acts 2:25-28, Romans 5:3-5, I Corinthians 13 , and Colossians 3:8-11 that time allowed me to heal. Prayer allowed me to seek God, forgive Him and renew a relationship with Him. Journaling eased my pain of anger and depression, and I always had to write it in a letter style of Dear God, Today… and sign it Love, Me. It took a long time for the pain to subside. Time has a way of healing. I eventually got back into life. Some things worked out. Some things did not and that pain was tough at first. Then, I dated and met my best friend for life, my current husband. I never dreamed that I could find love again. I had to let go in order to be whole and move on with my life as new chapters emerged whether I wanted to or not. God was there the whole way. If I went down a road that was not good, God was there to guide me.

Today is a new day, and I am grateful for the Present. God gives you strength in ways you least expect if only you will seek Him. If you seek prayer, support or encouragement for this dark period in your life, please contact me or other military spouses so that we may pray for you and your family as you walk this new chapter in your life. I pray that you will seek the support of your military chaplain and others. You are not alone. While we never want to see a military spouse welcome her husband home this way, we are bonded in a way that few understand.

Stephanie Arredondo is Board Treasurer for Wives of Faith and writes a blog – Alfa Sugar – that lends financial perspective in modern America from one military spouse.

Fraud Alert called PHISHING

Article below  published on Wives of Faith web site page

The latest phishing e-mails are coming from Anderson at almedicgroup.com.  Please see interesting link regarding a false Amazon.com claim. 

Phishing occurs – so how do we deal with it?

By Stephanie Arredondo, Board Treasurer

Imagine an insurance agent’s phone call to you pertaining to an online insurance inquiry that you nor your spouse never made. It’s happening more and more with the ease of access to basic information. This is the beginning stage of identity theft and is called phishing.

If you read in Ephesians 6:10-18 about The Armor of God, it’s impossible to not realize the spiritual warfare we endure when it comes to marriage and money.

The enemy loves to work through things and people. In our modern era of being a military wife, we deal with handling the household finances especially when our spouse deploys. We work on budgets. We shop for groceries and clothes. We save for our retirement. We aspire to send our children to college. We pay for our basic needs all while our husband is serving our country. Then, a phone call changes your world with the realization that your identity or your spouse’s identity has been stolen. You are lost about what to do. In the mail is a past due notice bill for an account that you and your spouse never opened. This can open up a whole new experience for the service member.
Identity theft is much more prevalent than in years past. Phishing is easily done with minimal information.

For military members, the Federal Trade Commission has dedicated a section of its web site page to protect active duty service members, their spouses and family: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/idtheft/idt02.shtm
Military One Source offers extensive financial material online, but it is best to call them for an appointment with a financial counselor at 1-800-342-9647. http://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/MilitaryOneSourceFinancialServices.aspx
Here you will find valuable information about how to proceed.


Below are some pointers for military marriages to consider when it comes to your and your spouse’s finances.

• Do check both of your credit reports. This is easily done through the three credit reporting agencies (and yes, I would check all three as it is free). If there are any false statements on your report, you and/or your spouse must address these immediately by submitting it in writing and sending it certified/return receipt. File an identity theft report with the Federal Trade Commission as well as with other relevant authorities.
• Pray about this situation so that you and your spouse may overcome its trials. For some, identity theft can hinder your future financial plans in ways you never anticipated. For some whose stolen identity is so severe, it’s taken five years, $15,000+ in legal fees and no resolution to this warfare. It is during this financial time of hardship that the power of prayer is one of the last weapons of armor that can aid you both in your resolution of this situation.
• To protect your spouse and yourself, it is wise to not disclose anyone’s social security card, military id, nor any financial accounts or credit card information unless it is to a known and reputable source.
• All passwords and personal information should be protected.
• Do not answer any online solicitations via e-mail nor provide personal information to these pop-up ads.
• All mail should be collected the day it is delivered or have your mail stopped by filling out a yellow form at the US Postal service.
• There is a way to post an active duty alert on your spouse’s credit report, and it is good for up to one year. This is important to do when your spouse is on deployment. The credit card companies like USAA do monitor unusual activity for your credit card, so if you travel to another part of the country or internationally, it is important to check with them about your foreseen financial spending with that credit card.
• Shred all unwanted credit card solicitations or anything with your names so that this will prevent dumpster diving.
• Finally, when you are out in public, please watch your wallet, passport, and other identification so that it is not stolen the old-fashioned way.

As in Proverbs 31:27, “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” gives us a call to take up our armor and allow God to flow through us so that we may defend ourselves from financial challenges such as phishing that all marriages want to avoid.

Tune Out Financial Stress and Tune into God

This article is available on Wives of Faith web site page.

Psalm 50:15 “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

Given the recent hype in the news about a government shutdown, it’s lending to financial stress upon military families, especially for those with deployed loved ones. Politicians are making news with their ideas and comments. The Department of Defense is cautious. Critics of the federal government and the military are surfacing with more harsh words. Cutbacks in the military could occur at a time that the U.S. economy is in the early stage of a recovery. Consumer sentiment is cautious as oil and food prices rise based on inflationary influences. Perhaps the home situation is challenged with loved ones searching for employment. Stress is high for many these days, and yet is it a reminder to tune out this static and tune in to the One who delivers us without fail?

God has a unique way of capturing our attention. While the politicians and others determine what’s to occur with government issues that are beyond our control, it is important for military families, especially military wives, to pray and focus on what God needs us to focus on.

Mahlon Hetrick of Christian Financial Counseling wrote the book, Family Money Management God’s Way, and he addresses how most people do not know how to find abundance in their budgets and are not listening to what God has to say. (Hetrick, 19) Perhaps the politicians would benefit from this wisdom as well, but the fact remains that if you are not tuning in to God, then you are neglecting an opportunity to honor Him.

For short term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

1. Pray and pray incessantly for our country and its financial challenge (Our National Debt isn’t sustainable, and we need for all to address it and address it soon.) Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Review your finances for the next month and develop a new spending plan (If this is a challenge or you need more advice, please see article.) I Corinthians 14:40
3. Cut unnecessary costs such as having your nails done, eating out, going to the movies, going to Starbucks, buying that pair of shoes, etc.. and get creative with certain cost-cutting measures Proverbs 16:3
4. If in debt and if you are making monthly payments that you believe you cannot make, it is wise to contact the business now, state your situation and ask if there’s another payment option. Many will cooperate if you initiate the phone call. For example, my husband and I worked out a payment plan for a medical bill from our son’s surgery (and no added interest expense). Psalm 1:1
5. For those whose financial situation is overwhelming and especially if you have a deployed military member, it is wise to seek your church home, pastor or military chaplain. By discussing your situation, certain churches will determine ways to provide love and support so as to ease the financial strain. Proverbs 15:22

For long term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

1. Develop a game plan for the future because even if the government shutdown occurred, you have a personal financial management issue that you need to address. Matthew 25:14-30
2. Save up an emergency fund of at least three months of living expenses

Psalm 50:15

1. Pay down debt and remain debt-free. One good way to address this is to list all of your debts (small and large) and determine a game plan to pay them off. Romans 13:8
2. Review your current career and determine a five year plan. Do you need to add in more income? Do you need to cut back on certain costs? Can you do without it? These are the tough questions, and I will be the first to admit that my husband and I struggle with the wants and needs….it’s good character-building for your marriage. Proverbs 21:20
3. Keep God in the picture and pray with your spouse about how you can honor Him. I Corinthians 4:2

If you and your husband need a moral boost, it is wise to post Bible quotes or slogans to help you during this financially stressful era in our country’s history. Just Do It! Adjust your attitude from Can’t live without it to I can get along without it!

While there is no easy solution today, there is the One who without fail will be there and will provide the calm. He will deliver us from this financial challenge. He wants us to be blessed if only we will seek Him, live within our means and adjust our attitude through our finances. We must honor Him to all Glory and Honor, Amen!

Stephanie Arredondo is Board Treasurer for Wives of Faith, has years of experience and knowledge in the industry and writes a blog - Alfa Sugar – that lends financial perspective in modern America from one military spouse.

Disclaimer: This article is the opinion of the person writing it, and any financial decision made as a result does not make the writer or Wives of Faith liable for any action taken. Please consult your personal financial advisor for more information.

Nashville Group of Wives of Faith

Nashville

For those military wives seeking a local group, this is a great opportunity to meet the new chapter leader and get linked in with other women.  Wives of Faith groups are evolving but this one is rich with history and perseverance in the Nashville TN area.  Open to all military spouses either active duty, Guard, Reserve or even retired. 

Post-Holiday Finances for the Christian Marriage

This article was published on Wives of Faith web page and was written by Stephanie Arredondo. 

“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything your land produces” Proverbs 3:9

With the holidays past us and a new year upon us, it is crunch time again for our household finances. Savvy marketers know how the consumer behaves during the holiday season. As a result of these tempting sales such as buy two and get one free to save $5 when really you are spending $10 more than originally intended, these sellers convinced you to part ways with your dollars for this must-have product/service. Past activity at the mall and/or AAFES is now appearing on the credit card bills. Those little unforeseen extras from the holidays such as travel expenses or last minute gifts are a part of mounting expenses. Just when you feel like you can slow up and ease into the New Year full of promise, New Year resolutions and a clean slate for 2011, it’s a realization that past spending behavior is directing you differently than desired. There are bills to pay, and the total amount is higher than you anticipated. Panic can set in, and financial pressure is trying for a marriage especially for military marriages that endure enough stress as it is. Is this how our Lord wants us to honor Him as a result of this holiday season?

Have you and your spouse honored God with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce? This question offers a rhetorical reply of yes! Yet, the credit card bill can bring reality to your homefront. In fact, more than 55% of divorced couples cited money problems as the primary reason that they had marital problems (Citibank survey). Mismanaging your finances reflects directly on your marriage and ultimately your relationship with God. What is yours, mine and ours represents this family unit. Even if the head of household is in a combat zone, we wives are to manage well our household affairs and wealth.

Most women defer money matters to their spouse. Most wives do the bulk of household buying. With more women working in the workforce and earning income, there is more emphasis on the part of marketers to target women because of the increase in buying power. As time constraints hinder couples from having effective budget meetings to see what’s going on with the household finances, women can be intimidated by the topic. Sometimes the wife feels lost as to how to manage the household. Fear can set in along with anxiety.

This sentiment is not what God intended for us and our marriage. Fear is the opposite of what God desires for us. Our finances may cause anxiety, and this is the critical time when we are to seek God.
During one deployment, my husband was overseas for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. I managed our household finances and would correspond with him via e-mail about them. He wanted to be involved and yet did not want to worry about the details. These e-mails ended up stressing him out because we were discussing our household finances, and he had to keep his head in the game. So, I stopped these e-mails and instead worked hard to make him proud. I paid the bills. I watched the spending. I tithed. I saved. I did the grocery shopping. I worked the budget. I gave my best when it came to managing our finances.

Prior to his departure, we developed our financial game plan so that I would confidently manage the day to day knowing what our goals were. Eventually, we learned how to coordinate our efforts. This took a lot of pressure off of him while humbling him to depend on me. I felt engaged and more of an active participant in the deployment process. It made me get closer to him and strengthened our marriage even though we were miles apart. We would pray about our finances in addition to other prayers. As a result of our efforts and upon his return home, we agreed to celebrate by making a donation to The Salvation Army. It felt so good to give our best.

What is the best part of everything you produce? Take it and honor God with it.

Regardless of your financial situation, today is a good time to talk and pray with your spouse about your finances. Even if there’s credit card debt or other financial hardship, I can promise you that if you both give your best and honor God with your wealth, you will see a direct benefit to your marriage that you’ve never experienced before. It is an amazing blessing to you and your marriage.

* * * * * * *

Should you need more financial resources, there are many that I have listed below. While this is not an endorsement of their products and services, I offer these resources as a way for you and your spouse to consider options that best fit your needs. In my opinion, there are limited financial resources available to the Christian military marriage/family.

• The one that I believe is best for many is the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University link Introduction to Dave Ramsey Military Edition as well as the Dave Ramsey Military Resource Center for Military Families that is offered through various bases or FRG programs.
• Military OneSource Financial Services offers financial consultation via phone.
• DoD Article on How To Confront Financial Issues Early is a good read for both the military member and spouse to understand why it is important to manage your finances soundly.
• USAA is another pro-military financial resource company to consider as they are not just an insurance company but also offer banking, financial counseling and other financial services.
• Military Money offers an interesting online resource of information for military families.
• A few books to consider are Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, Money and Marriage God’s Way by Howard Dayton, Family Money Management God’s Way by Mahlon Hetrick, The Household Money Organizer, and A Woman’s Guide to Family Finances by Ellie Kay.
• Your local library or bookstore offers simple financial educational resources.
• The best resource for further financial understanding is you educating yourself. That means spending your time calling, asking questions, doing calculations, and even attending classes or information sessions.

Best Wishes to you and your spouse as you both embark on a journey well worth it to your marriage and ultimately to honor God. Please post below any resources worthy to share.

MIL & Your Mighty Marriage

(Article NOT published on Wives of Faith web site page even though submission was made over 60 days ago so I am posting it here on my blog in hopes that it provides a nonmonetary financial perspective for wives and mother in laws (mil)).

MIL or mother in law jokes abound in ways we least expect.   The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you, Honey. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."  The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."   But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."

"Have you not read,"  said Jesus, "that he who made them in the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10:9.

Jesus addressed the importance of marriage between a man and a woman.  There is a third party involved with each marriage, but it’s not our MIL or somebody else.  It’s Christ himself.  Military marriages benefit from a distance factor when forming their family unit.  PCSing to different bases around the world forces the husband and wife to depend on one another as well as Christ.  Though lonely at times, this opportunity directly supports scripture and helps couples to submit to one another. 

A third of many marriages dissolve because of interference by parents or other family members unconsciously.  This is a staggering statistic that puzzles many; however, over 80% of the in-law complaint letters that Ann Landers receives deal with mother in law problems, specifically the husband’s mother.  Call it a clash of cultures or power plays but the fact remains that it is a challenge for many marital relationships to form their family unit.

The in law relationship can be a great blessing or a toxic relationship depending upon the two women.  Obviously, both have in common one thing – they love the man who is son to one and husband to the other.  Two is company and three’s a crowd can definitely challenge things.  What’s remarkable is when both enjoy the in law relationship as did Ruth and Naomi.  While not all mother in law relationships evolve this way, according to Terri Aptner’s What Do You Want From Me? , the issue at hand for MILs is vulnerability and the threat that this mother/son relationship is changing. 

Change is inevitable, and seeing your son off on a deployment is difficult for MILs.  Marriage can provide a blessing or another threat to the MIL.  PTSD is on the rise with husbands returning from the combat zone, and many MILs and/or family members feel the need to step in and do something, especially when it is a young marriage.  This is when tempers flare, words are spoken and unintentional pain is inflicted upon many. 

When a baby is born, it can be tricky because MILs want certain family traditions passed on.  Sometimes, the new mom experiences doubt and confusion as she gets critiqued by her mother in law.  The MIL sees an inexperienced mother making many mistakes and feels she needs to step in for the sake of her grandchild.  The husband may be deployed or on TDY orders thus adding concern and stress because he is not present.  Around the holidays is when stress levels increase. 

Do you have a MIL situation?  Is your marriage challenged as a result of a MIL or another family member?  What to do?  How do you maintain some form of sanity? 

 First, it is important to be in prayer about your circumstances.  You and your marriage matter.  Communicate with your husband, mother in law and other family relationships that your marriage is between you and your husband (not anyone else) and that you and your spouse will make your family unit’s decisions, albeit finances, estate planning, parenting etc. 

Next, it’s important to set certain priorities to where your spouse is at the top of the list.  Badmouthing your mother in law is not on the list.  Focusing on your husband and what is needed for your marriage is THE priority in addition to prayer. 

Finally, having an exchange of mutual respect with your mother in law is recommended.  You want what is best for the same person as well as for the children. 

Forgiveness is important especially when feelings have been hurt, and while no situation starts off great, perhaps with time, you and your MIL will improve your relationship in such a way that it will blossom and benefit so many around you. Perhaps it’s hard to smile at a person who has deeply hurt you.   While no relationship is ideal and setting aside the MIL jokes, the important point is to have faith that God is with you and your spouse as you walk this wonderful journey of marriage.   

by Stephanie Arredondo

Fisher House aids many with an upcoming project in Tennessee

The Tennessee Fisher House is working hard to raise donations and is pending construction in Murfreesboro TN.  The Fisher House is a nonprofit organization providing a home away from home for many military getting medical treatment.  96% of all donations directly benefit military families. 

Veterans, Public is outraged at Your Cost of Coming Home from War

The Tennessean published a three part series on Veterans called Coming Home by Tom Wilemon and the medical care being provided for them.    Tony Gonzolez wrote another article on how Middle TN Families are struggling to pay cost with war.   Wives of Faith was mentioned as a possible point of contact for help.  Public outrage is high at how our veterans are being treated based on one of the articles.  Mind you, less than a quarter of veterans dealt with physical issues requiring medical aid, yet the emotional trauma is high.  I believe that both articles provide a glimpse into what some military families have endured as a direct result of service.

On the day after Thanksgiving when these articles were published, I received a phone call for help for a World War II veteran who lost his double-wide and is struggling pretty bad.  While we are processing the situation to see how we can help him out, I am certain that there are more veterans dealing with similar struggles. 

The bitter pill is giving so much to a country that doesn't take care of them especially years later...that's what is difficult for some veterans to bear.  Cutting through the red tape of bureaucracy and government protocals, it's important that our veterans are helped out.  The Fisher House is a great outreach for those seeking to provide financial support to our veterans.    Donations are currently being raised for the Murfreesboro TN location of the TN Fisher House.   The majority of veterans are good people trying to be treated fair in a system struggling with many flaws that add fuel to the bitterness feeling.

Sure these veterans didn't have to sign up, serve, and get paid for their time in the military, but they DID! I applaud our veterans for serving (and getting paid as well as being given certain perks).  Honestly, the pay is low for what these folks and their families do to sacrifice for our country. 

Yet here is something that money can't buy and that is fighting for our freedom. 

Some folks sign up for college money.  Some folks sign up because they need a job and/or work experience.  Some folks do it for family tradition.  Some do it because they have no where else to go.  Some feel called to sign up.  Some are guilted into serving aleit family member, peer pressure or perhaps a bet.  Whatever the circumstance to enlist, the outcome is what it is. 

We hope for the best for each service person.  The best that we can say is Thank You for your service to our country. 



Tennessee Fisher House is located in Murfreesboro, TN and is pending construction.  There is a staff in place so telephone to see about specific means of support currently available. 
tennesseefisherhouse@comcast.net
Phone: 615-916-1310

Tennessee Fisher House Foundation, Inc.
P. O. Box 774
Brentwood TN 37024-0774

Fisher House™ Foundation and the Fisher House™ program depends of public donations to continue its important work.  Fisher House™ Foundation does not disclose the names of its donors to any other individuals or organizations. We do not do telephone solicitation.  Fisher House™ Foundation, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the IRS code. Donations are tax deductible to the maximum extent allowed by law.

WAYS TO GIVE:

BY MAIL:

SEND YOUR DONATION TO:

Tennessee Fisher House Foundation, Inc

P. O. Box 774

Brentwood TN 37024-0774

Please make checks payable to: “Tennessee Fisher House Foundation”

THANK YOU Veterans

Happy Veteran's Day!

A simple Thank You for your Service to Our Country is the best thing that anyone can say to a veteran.  At an early morning school assembly, one veteran spoke about the importance of just saying Thank You.  I believe that many Americans do NOT take for granted the sacrifice and service of many in our armed forces.  I believe that many Americans are ignorant of the valor, courage, strength and fortitude of folks who serve and have served in our armed forces.  Tis better to do what is right and endure the slander from those ignorant of what it takes to excel for the common good.  Celebrate as we all should the wonderful freedoms we enjoy today.  This is truly a day of thanks for our Veteran's.

On Wives of Faith, Pattie Reitz posts a neat history clip as well as an appropriate poem.  WofF Veteran's Day 

History via the U.S. Dept. of Veteran's Affairs

The Purpose of Veterans Day: A celebration to honor America's veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

Trick or Treat! Let's not miss a beat!

'Tis the season for lots of things....Fall Harvest Parties, Halloween, Haunted Houses or Weirdness....the main thing is to be safe and have a good time at the festivities. 

Our local police department sends out an advisory for having a safe time, and I can't help but share some tips. 

• Feast on some healthy food prior to trick or treating.  It will keep everyone's energy level up as you make the rounds.  Drink water and perhaps carry a small water bottle.
• Take a picture of your child/ren in their costume.  It's a bonus for their scrapbook AND an immediate photo in case you have an emergency.
• All costumes should be comfortable and made of flame-resistant fabric.  Wearing comfortable walking shoes and dressing in layers for the cool evening is a plus.   Props are for play ONLY.
• Walking with a buddy and/or a group on well-lit streets is important because you are walking in the dark.  Cars driving through neighborhoods cannot react as fast as during the daytime so please use caution when out in the road.  Have a flashlight or other cool lights on your body.  Most pedestrian injuries occur on Halloween night.
• Have cell phone for immediate communication on the adult walking the children through the neighborhood.  If you can, it is wise to register your cell phone with a SMART911 registry. 
• Older children should have instructions on which route is acceptable and a time to be back at the house or meeting place. 
• Homes with outside lights ON and some festive decor are ones to knock on.  Do NOT accept candy from someone's car nor enter a home to get candy.
• Check the trick or treat bag for suspicious looking items. While everyone is handing out candy for fun, there are few who will alter the candy so just be cautious. It helps to know the source of the candy albeit either a neighbor or friend. 

If your loved one is deployed this season, don't let his deployment spoil you having fun.  Besides your stories will enhance his day overseas.  Do attend a Fall Harvest Party and/or throw one with other military spouses.  Take lots of pictures.  There is something magical about creating your costume and then telling a story.  Getting into the fun of the season can take the distance apart factor out of one day of the deployment. 

Carve a pumpkin, create a costume, buy your favorite candy, put up some decorations, and get ready for some fun mixing and mingling with neighbors and the community!  Be safe and that's a great financial perspective to keep in mind.  So don't miss a beat and have a great time trick or treating!

Military Wives, Get Support!

It's amazing the amount of military wives groups that are surfacing. 

For those in the military close to a base, the opportunities to connect with other military wives is plentiful.  MOPS groups, local FRG groups as well as other groups on base are great. 

For those military wives who are in the guard or reserve and are not near a base, there are other groups evolving such as Wives of Faith, Homefront United, Wives in Bloom, and PWOC.   

There are conferences now for military spouses such as Wings for Women. 

The financial perspective is what you put into it is what you get out of it.  Most groups are interested in FREE activities.  Perhaps the cost is a cup of coffee from Starbucks, the price of a meal at a restaurant or even travel costs to attend a conference or meetings.  Child care costs are an additional expense unless a family member or friend can provide that service. 

Military wives live a unique lifestyle that is important in more ways than they even realize.  So often, the comment from most is "I could never do what you do."  These comments, though meant to be kind, are the worst kind to make because that military spouse is thinking the same thing.  Instead, it is wise to thank that person for their commitment to their husband who serves and to please thank him for his service to his country.  Even more important is for military wives to get support from others experiencing similar walks in life.  The groups mentioned above are a starting place, but ultimately it comes to the individual's willingness to reach out and make a connection.  It's worth it in the long run.  May is Military Spouse Appreciation Month and is a great way to celebrate military wives. 


 



Ideas for informal military wives gatherings:
*Meet and Greet (local coffee shop)
*Scrapbooking or hobby
*Service Project - Military Care Packages
*Facebook
*Get tips on surviving the deployment or how to communicate with your spouse
*Read a book and talk about it
*book clubs

Shop Back to School & Get Tax-Free Savings

It's back to school time.  Summer is wrapping up yet again.  Many of my dear military friends have PCSed, moved, relocated or taken a new job.  Change is inevitable.  Some change is good.  Some change is difficult to accept.  Some change is not the way I had hoped.

This weekend is tax-free weekend in Tennessee.  Perhaps other states and areas offer this opportunity for folks buying back to school items to save.  Buyer beware on certain items as some are part of the tax free category and some are not.  Each state is different so be sure to check with your local state government. 

Ironically, many retail stores are desperate for your business and are offering to pay state sales tax on any item you purchase. 

Keep in mind that some items made in another country may not be complying with federal regulations.  For example, Crayola is the only product that I purchase when it comes to crayons, sidewalk chalk, markers or other items that my children will use.  It is important to not sacrifice price for your child's well-being.  Yes, certain crayons or sidewalk chalk contain harmful chemicals and several children are known to have develop a severe allergic reaction that is unexplained and leaves the parents skeptical about what to do.

There are several children's consignment sales offering back to school items for Fall/Winter.  This is a great way to make affordable purchases that are tax-free.  Your local Goodwill store, Salvation Army, or other Thrift stores may also offer tax-free savings. 

For us military folks, it's great to enjoy tax-free purchases on certain items while still having to pay a commissary fee or other.  I am certain that there are deals at your local AAFES stores so double-check your prices and see if Walmart or others will match the price. 

Regarding online tax free savings, it depends.  I don't know of any at this time of publication.  On-line buying is convenient and great.  Beware of shipping costs because that is what will up your cost in the purchase.  Some vendors are offering free shipping or site to store free delivery.  I opt for that one over paying shipping costs any day.

International military families may be challenged with certain back to school supplies.  While I am unfamiliar with some items, it is good to go to such sites as Wives of Faith Facebook page or other military related web site pages and even blogs for more specifics. 

Best of luck as you and your family go back to school this fall!  Whether is homeschooling, local public school or base school, and/or a private school, I wish you great success.  Study hard and make people in your country proud!  It's an international world now when it comes to education.

Blah Days As Food and Gas Prices Rise

I don't know about other households but mine is feeling the pinch at the gas station and grocery store.  Forecasters predict food and gas prices to rise even more this summer.  Tomatoes have been a luxery item of late.  I am even learning how to buy milk and freeze it just to cut back on my number of trips to the store.  One of my neighbors did away with their garden one summer because it was too much to handle but now they are gearing back up the garden to feed a family of six this summer.  I've reduce my eat out bill and am even reducing sitter costs.  Whatever the case may be for your household or situation, it is wise to pinch pennies, get creative with meals and reduce trips. 

Just this past weekend at the mall, one store was offering you 25% off anything in the store that day just for coming in it.  I've noticed coupon adds for Gap and Bannana Republic like never before.  Forever21 store was packed at the mall and it's simply because they are selling cheap clothes that meet the practical needs of their customer.  I bought one dress for $14 and plan for it to be my one buy this summer.   There's an increase in advertising and sales promotion but my question is THIS working to generate sales or are these stores still operating in red from the current economy?

My skeptic perspective is reigning high these days as I myself cut back on a lot of expenses and try to do more at home or in more economical ways.  Wives of Faith has reinstated its Coups for Troops program so definitely sign on for that deal if possible. 

If it is like going back to the 1970s where we do more potluck suppers and other creative but cost-reducing ways to socialize, then I believe that we are foreshadowing a challenging and punitive time in our country's business economic future. 

Shutdown Looms As Hype Continues

For those in the military and dealing with the added financial stress in your daily life, it is wise to consider ways to get by on less until this mess is cleaned up.  The hype and news about government shutdown and hiccups in military pay will continue.  There are some major future financial challenges looming for our country, and until the politicians and other elected officials can fix it, it will be a stressful time for many.

Wives of Faith posted one of my current articles dealing with financial stress called Tune Out Financial Stress and Tune In to God.  If you are a believer, it will provide some spiritual relief.  If you are not a believer, it will encourage you to revisit your current spending behavior. 

What a Government Shutdown will mean is this:  essential positions will remain in effect and some will be furloughed.  For the military, you will report to work and receive a paycheck when the government reopens.  Granted, there will be a paycheck for one week of work.  Questions remain about future military paychecks so if and when you receive your paycheck on the 15th (it will likely be two paychecks rather than one because of internal operations to generate the payment), it is prudent for you, your spouse and your family conserve and cover your bare minimum payments.  Doubt is high about when the next paychecks will be made. Hence, for the next pay period scheduled at month-end, it is questionable at this time whether you will get paid or not. 

For veterans, it is important to understand that the Veterans Services could be interupted (as sorry as I am to type this information) because of issue with government shutdown and budget cuts.  The Washington Post with Bloomberg post an interesting article about the Budget 2011 and how this vote will determine the future direction financially for this country. 

Hype will continue.  Many will fuel anger as a negative sentiment rises amongst people both in and out of the military.  Mismanagment in Washington is unacceptable, and to be in this position of suffering the consquence of poor decision-making makes for an ugly day at the office especially when it's in a combat zone.  (I am appauled that folks in line of fire are having this added financial stress added to a stressful time already.  Thank goodness, I am not the only US citizen who feels this way.) These issues have occurred in our country's history, and while I have not pulled out my history books to state those facts, the issue remains that your military paycheck is jeopardy. 

It is wise to review your finances, stockpile your cash, scale back your current spending in ways you knew not, and wait for what will evolve.  It is wise to focus on what is within your means and control rather than what is not.  For example, I normally go to the hair salon for a cut and color.  It's not a cheap bill.  Because we are paying medical bills for our son's surgery, I went to a different hair salon for a $15 haircut and then colored my hair at home.  Total cost was $25.  That is substantially less than what I had paid (about $100).  It was risky but I took a chance because we needed the money to go elsewhere (classic economics on opportunity cost). 

This time will pass, and if you can weather the storm, the hype and the financial stress, it will be a wonderful character-building time.  My grandmothers survived the Depression and passed on to me awareness for saving up for that rainy day.  Today is such the day as our country embarks on a challenging time. 

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