Mutual Submission

Submit to my husband, are you nuts? This sentiment is typical in our modern day society as it mocks submission. If you google the word submission on the Internet, there are some pretty graphic and taboo images to negatively impact your impression of what it means to submit. Yet, as hard as it is to submit to our husbands, we must. The Bible is very clear on this: just read Ephesians 5:21-33, 1 Peter 3:1-6, and Proverbs 31:10-31.

Am I showing signs of weakness when I submit? No Ma’am.

Where do I fit in the modern day era as a military wife of faith? God loves you and encourages you to love your spouse. By submitting to one another, we enhance the life of our spouse – and ultimately our own.

When the head of the household returns home from a long deployment, it’s tricky to submit. Both of you have had life experiences that foster growth apart. When you reunite and realize that submission is not mutual, it challenges the marriage. (It’s also tricky to submit when the head of household displays poor leadership and/or sexual immorality as in Ephesians 5:3….in this case, I advise you to seek out guidance immediately).

For example, he just returned from a year long deployment in a combat zone and realizes you overspent in the babysitter area of your budget, money that you don’t have. Either he accepts this decision because of good communication between you both, or he argues, thus rejecting your decision at that time, not having much empathy and not working out a solution to the problem.

To submit means respect and how you love your spouse; your communication is paramount to your successful relationship. You are enhancing your spouse’s life. You are providing the enrichment necessary to ward off Satan’s desire to destroy the reflection of God that is in us.

To not submit means you and your spouse not only lack good communication but do not love one another as Christ loves you. When we don’t submit to one another, we ultimately are not showing our reverence for Christ. Instead, Satan is at work destroying marriage by influencing you and/or your spouse.

Mutual submission is the only workable path to marriage, and love provides the true motive for submission. My husband and I love each other very much and married when we were in our early 30s. When we married, he commented that my strong personality is one reason why he chose me to be his bride because he knew it would help us get through these deployments and times of separation. He has a strong personality trait, and when it comes to being head of household, he has displayed some good choices and some not-so-good choices. We are challenged in the mutual submission department because of issues that have surfaced after one particular deployment. I am reminded of 1 Peter 3:1 and how I am to submit to my husband. It’s so hard because I have always been taught that I can do anything. I used to be independent. I made my own money. I made my own decisions. I did what I wanted when I wanted. I functioned without him especially during these deployments. Why must I submit? Why can’t he submit? (He’s probably thinking the same thing…Why won’t she submit? Why do I have to submit to her?) This is a challenge for us wives of faith.

Mutual submission allows us to get closer to Christ because marriage belongs to God and to the church. When we practice mutual submission, we get closer to the One who loves us best. God has a plan for you, your husband and your marriage. The church is the body of God and epitomizes your desire for a successful marriage. If you are not in a good church home, I strongly encourage you to seek out a church. Marriages are under attack daily, and just because your husband is home from the battlefield does not mean that you can let your guard down. Submitting to one another out of love is the best way to combat these potential wounds. Praying together and/or for one another is a powerful weapon. In Acts 18:24-26, we learn of a couple who functioned as a team and welcomed a learned man into their home to learn more. The military is aware of challenges that marriages weather through these storms of deployments and offers marriage retreats that are chaplain-led. For example, one mentioned at our unit was www.strongbonds.org. If you and your spouse can attend such a retreat, it will be a blessing you and your marriage (plus your children will benefit from you both strengthening your marriage). Whatever the case may be, it is important to seek the best for your spouse, love him and submit so that you may get closer to the One who loves you best.

To talk more about this topic, I recommend it, especially with your local Wives of Faith chapter, the new community message board or just post a comment below. It is this support, encouragement and connection that will enable us military spouses to see God’s will when it comes to submission and our marriages.

Wives of Faith for copy of this article published